you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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