Well douche your snatch and let's go!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
