Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
