Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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