She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
