its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just gargled with NyQuil
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
