ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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