I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
