I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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