Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
