I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
