I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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