Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
