Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
