all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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