can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
