And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
