i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm having to shit out rocks
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
