She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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