my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
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