My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
