im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
