i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
