what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
