there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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