It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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