i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
