i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she told me i tasted like america
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
