So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
