i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
