YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
