he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
