I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
