Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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