I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
