Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
