you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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