I need help removing her.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
