well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
