So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
