So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
