maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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