apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
