at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
