So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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