South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
