Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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