No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
