Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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