When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
