standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm too high and old for this...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
