We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
