I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
