i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
