There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
