Your mouth is God's brothel.
I cockslap morals
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Randomize
