wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
