so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
