Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
