she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
