do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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